Sky High Dreams

I forgot to mention in my other running post that one of the reasons I started to run was to strengthen my legs because my bucket list includes hiking/mountain climbing this year. So far, I have been good with my New Year's Resolutions so I think I can make it to a summit this time. Wala lang. I just want to share my mountaineering dreams because I realized letting people know what you're doing or what you want to do motivates you even more. Like when I run, it probably bugs my followers how I always tweet about when I'll run. Haha.

Anyways, this year I really wish to go to Mt. Batulao, Mt. Pinatubo and Mt. Makiling. Mt. Banahaw is really the top 1 on my must climb, too but I'm not sure if it's open again. I am browsing through mountaineering blogs and I am learning so much. Reading about it makes me more excited. I'm just sad because my best friends are all about beaches and the like and not big fans of running (let alone hiking) so I don't know who I'll be going with. (Sigh)

But I won't let that get away in my dreams of reaching the top. Maybe I'll even join travel or mountaineering groups. It's always nice to meet people who share your passion, right?  

Mt. Batulao

See original photo here.

Mt. Pinatubo

Check out original photo here. (P.S. This guy takes really good photos!)

Mt. Makiling

See original photo here. 

Pinoy Mountaineer site is very helpful for mountain-climbing aspirants like me. :)

Mt. Banahaw

Check out original photo here.

Mt. Banahaw is like a Mecca for me as you all know, it is dubbed as the "Holy Mountain." And it is located in our humble province of Dolores, Quezon. But I promised myself I would only go here when I... but that's a secret! Ha! So yeah. Just keep checking. I promise to share my way to the top. Who knows? Maybe I'll post about a climb soon.  :)

711 RUN 800 Fun Run

On January 20, 2013, I checked one thing off my bucket list. I ran in a Fun Run. Haha! I wouldn't call it a "marathon" because one of the first things I learned as a beginner was that a marathon is a 42 km run, which would make 21 km a half-marathon and my humble 5 km... nothing! LOL.

I started jogging last November because I got worried about not sweating too much, it's not normal anymore! When temperature gets too high, my body just gets too hot. I still don't break a sweat but if you hold my hand, you'll wonder if I have a fever or something. And then I'll end up nose bleeding. So yeah. I figured I have to help my body too. There's no gym near our house with a decent instructor (at least, not that I know of) and I don't enjoy pulling some weights anymore. So what I did was buy a decent--and cheap enough running shoes and googled some running/jogging tips for beginners. I am still not comfortable with the term "running" because if ever Zombies invades the world and try to eat everyone's brains, my "running" pace will get what's left of my brain eaten. But what the heck! Okay, running.

I didn't enjoy running at first but I really pushed myself to run as much as I can to make it a habit because I know I just have to. I am not even running regularly yet when my good friend, Alison texted me one day asking if I want to join Run 711 so I was really hesitant to say yes. I mean, joining a decent running event has been a dream of mine but I didn't plan for it to be this soon. But my dear ole' friend texted me the registration details and we were registered in a matter of minutes. When I got the email confirming our registration I thought: What the hell was I thinking?!

Initially, I was really thinking of flaking and just paying Alison the registration fee. Yes, I was that scared. I was scared of passing out in the middle of the run! Aside from that, I wanted to do a 3k first just to test the waters---and Ali registered me to a 5k.

Moi after the run

My friend, Ali after the run (my gosh he's so payat! teehee)

Come race day I was half excited and still nervous of passing out mid-race but I looked at my fellow runners. You can just inhale the energy coming from everyone!

Then the race started and I was starting to get disappointed with myself. The first few minutes I felt road suddenly became wider and all I could think of was how the other runners are passing by me while I was so ready to WALK the rest of the race! Haha.

On the 2nd kilometer I noticed other runners slowing down and that's when I reminded myself that I have my own pace and that the reason I joined the run was to prove to myself that I can--not to Ali (who is by the way the fastest runner I know), not to my brother who's skeptical of me running and certainly not to my fellow runners but to myself. :)

From there I found myself picking up pace and actually running the rest of it overtaking other runners as well.  Upon making a u-turn on the 5km turn over, the run felt easier. I may sound dramatic but the last few kilometers, I was just smiling and staring at the beautiful, cloudy blue sky. I was literally thanking God of the gift of good health, that I can run and most especially that I am about to finish my first 5km run.

The last half mile Paramore's "That's What You Get (When you let your heart win)" played on my mp3. That was the exact moment I saw the finish line. Oh what a joy! I was just so happy to prove to myself that I can. When the part of the song went, "..Why do we like to hurt so much?" I was shaking my head and asked myself: "Yeah, why?" and smiled. Maybe really am a masochist. Maybe because the pain makes me feel alive. And as I crossed the finish line, man did I really feel alive! Now I know what runner's high is. :)

So here I am surfing the web for the next fun run. Maybe I'll end up doing a 10 km soon. Besides, I learned running's mutually beneficial since you'll be able to help a charity a Fun Run's supporting and you get to be healthy by running. Plus those freebies don't hurt at all. So I thank my dear friend Ali for not giving me a chance to back out (because I could have!) and for all the pep talks--kahit minsan parang bola lang. :)

     And you dear reader, when you stop reading I dare you to do something you never thought you can do. It may not be running but I dare you, challenge yourself. Live!

Saying Goodbye with a Song

As they say: Everything--however good it is, has an end. I am just sorry to see it has to be one of my favorite shows, Gossip Girl. When I ask you what you'll remember about the show, you girls will most probably say Chuck and Blair! Ha! But as for me I will miss 3 things: New York (as the show is in itself a tribute to the Big Apple), the music and most especially, the fashion--but I think fashion deserves a different post entirely don't you think? :)

So this is how I choose to remember Gossip Girl. This is how I say goodbye to Serena, Dan, Nate, Chuck and Blair.

I am sharing my favorite music from the series. Some of them I loved because of the role the songs played in some of the scenes and the others, well I may not remember the scenes but I am sure I pretty much waited for the show's replay and maximize the TV's volume just so I can listen to the lyrics and google the song! GG's musical scorer is really one of the bests. Most of the songs I am in love with I get from movie/tv soundtracks. Huge part of my playlist are the songs I heard from Gossip Girl (Grey's Anatomy's got some good stuff too.) So here's a run down of the bests! I know. You're welcome.

(Disclaimer: Videoes are not mine. Borrowed them and I give credits to the uploaders.)

Runners Up: Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon (which I think was totally wasted in the Serena/Aaron scene on Season 2), Good Life by One Republic and Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machines.

11. Seasons of Love by Shiny Toy Guns - Not really a favorite song but then I really love the Chuck and Blair moment it was for---when Chuck finally said the 3 Words with 8 Letters! *swoon*

10. Empire State of Mind by Alicia Keys and Jay-Z - It's all about New York, New York Baby!

  

9.  Love the Way You Lie by Rihanna - C and B scene again. I just love her pajamas (Yes, I really need to say that.)

8.   Bad Romance by Lady Gaga - And how can I not include my favorite cameos in this list! Remember when Blair invited Lady Gaga? Yeah. One of those epic TV moments.

7. Somebody that I Used to Know by Gotye - First heard it on GG. :) 

6.   We are Young by FUN - That season 5 finale episode when Blair follows Chuck to France and said these lines: "You said I always bet against you but this time I am all in." 

5.   Watcha Say by Jason DeRulo 

4. It's Time by Imagine Dragons - was played when the gang are running up the stairs of Metropolitan Museum of Arts to go to Chuck and Blair's wedding. Really puts you in the moment. (Can't find a decent clip yet. Sorry.)

3.   Secrets by One Republic

2.   Fell in love without You by Motion City Soundtrack - I think this was on Season 2's first episode.  Every time I listen to this song I remember the White Party and the beach at Hamptons and of course this is totally the Serena and Dan/Lonely Boy's song. (Ooops, can't seem to upload the clip so here's the Motion City Soundtrack Official Vid instead.)

And my number 1 Gossip Girl song is.... *drum rolls please* Tah-dah!

1. With Me by Sum41 - this is my favorite Gossip Girl moment. If you can remember Blair was so in love with Nate. Queen B was this straight, sweet school girl who idolizes Audrey Hepburn---until she loses the V card to yes, the Chuck Bass. I don't know why I love this song so much but like no. 2 song, every time I listen to this song I can see Chuck and Blair drunk in that limo again. I love the timing of the chorus when they finally kissed. Haha. Oh I am such a cheesecake sometimes.  This was the part when (no matter how I hate the bad boys) I fell in love with Chuck Bass.  <3>

Gossip Girl introduced me to so many songs and artists that are now constant part of my playlist and until now I still check search for some good GG songs that I've missed. But this list so far are the best for me. Music got/get me through something sometimes and I'm thankful to Gossip Girl for that. There's nothing like a good music to save you from a bad day or a broken heart. I hope you enjoyed my little musical trip down to Gossip Girl memory lane. The show will really be missed. For now, as Gossip Girl would say, Xoxo to you all. :)

My Eco-Christmas

It has been awhile. Christmas time is just around the corner. I have nothing new to say, which is exactly my fault because I am just too lazy to write something the moment I think about it. Besides, I was going through something and I got through it and I don't want anyone else in on the drama. But hey, it's my favorite season of all and I just can't NOT be happy during Christmas. :)

I am almost done with Christmas shopping for the family and yes I'm now officially broke but Christmas is the only time I'm generous (but I'm working on that next year--Ha!) so I go all out for the family during Christmas. This year I included Mother Nature on my list. I wanted to do something small for her, to help her in my own way. So I decided to recycle old magazines as gift wrappers. Yeah. It's nothing compared to planting a tree or something but I am trying. Plus it saved me a couple of bucks from the usual fancy gift wrappers I always buy. I always believe that in gift-giving, everything matters. From the gift you give to the tiniest detail of ribbons.

First, I ripped pages from old magazines. I chose those full of colorful picures (but pictures that are okay for me not to see anymore.) Then I cut the ripped edges straight and taped them together. I wrapped them just like how you usually wrap gifts. I bought red and gold ribbons to make it prettier and more special. So it was really the ribbons that did the trick! Haha. :)

Unfortunately my Blackberry's memory card got broken and I can't restore the photos I took from when I was actually gift wrapping the gifts. It took me an hour or two each gift because I am so clumsy I want to cut the magazine pages straight. So each gift is a product and labor of love. Anyway I plan to do more to help Mother Nature, even as little as throwing trash in proper place. Okay, so that's that. Merry Christmas to you all! :)

On Writing and Ricky Lee

"Kapag gusto mo nang iuntog ang ulo mo sa pader. Kapag gusto mo nang hiwain ang ugat sa bisig mo. Doon nggagaling ang mahusay na panulat. Sabi nga nila, dahil manunulat ka, maraming demonyo sa loob mo. Pero hindi iyon demonyo. IKAW YUN. --Ricky Lee"

                                                                                                                                      

Uumpisahan ko ang post na ito sa isang pangungusap: Hindi ako writer. Ni hindi ko pangarap ang magsulat. Ano nga naman ba ang pangarap ng isang bata pag tinanong mo? Hindi ba't malamang ang  sasagot niya maging abogado, doktor, nurse, teacher o artista? Wala naman sigurong bata na ang unang pangarap ay maging manunulat. Maaaring ito magsulat lang ang alam niyang gawin pero hindi ito ang nang sagot sa tanong kung ano ang pangarap mo. Hindi ko rin pinopost ang mga sinusulat ko sa kahihiyan na rin.

Pero bakit ako nagsusulat? Hindi ko rin alam. Ang mga sinusulat ko, alam kong hindi perpekto. Parang ako. Hindi naman kasi ako nagsusulat para ma-publish o sumikat. Nag-sanga lang siguro ito sa hilig ko sa pagbabasa. Isa pa may mga gabing may mga tao sa ulo o imahinasyon mo na gustong magsalita, may mga kwento silang gusto nilang malaman ng lahat. Nakapanghihinayang kung hindi mo sila bibigyan ng buhay. Higit sa lahat, nakababaliw kung hahayaan mo lang ang mga boses nila sa ulo mo. I don't have any formal study on writing. I just blogged. My blog does not even have a format. Isa pa, mahirap magsulat. Pag may writer's block ka, para kang nanganganak o constipated. Minsan mahirap hanapin o ilabas ang mga tamang salita.

My outlook about writing finally changed when I first bought my Ricky Lee book---Trip to Quiapo. It's not a text book about writing. Its informal which makes it better. Nung una, kilala ko lang si Ricky Lee dahil alam kong award-winning ang mga pelikula niya. Cover pa lang ng libro, alam kong hindi lang ako matututo pero matutuwa din. Gusto ko sanang ibahagi ang mga paborito kong linya sa libro:

"Lagi nating sinasabi, hindi pa ako handang magsulat, kulang pa ako sa karanasan, hindi pa ako nakakapagbiyahe, o nakukulong, 

o nari-rape o nakakatikim ng buhay. Pero nararamdaman natin na sa loob natin ay maraming kwentong gustong makahulagpos, kaya  

pagbigyan natin, magsulat  tayo."

-Isa sa mga paborito ko ang mga selection na ito dahil noon, nakakulong ako sa isang kahon. Malaking tanong sa isipan ko kung paano ba ko magsusulat ng kwento? Ang dami dami ko pang hindi nararanasan. Para akong isang batang sasabak sa isang magulong mundo. Pero nung nabasa ko 'to, naisip ko, Oo nga. hindi ko naman siguro kailangan ma-rape o mamatayan o pumatay para makasulat ng magandang kwento.

"H'wag kang umiwas sa emosyon. H'wag kang tumalikod sa dilim. Piliin mo ang malunod. Don't play safe."

"Kaya tayo hindi makapag-sulat dahil may mga ayaw tayong harapin. Buksan mo."

-Don't play safe. Lahat tayo takot makaramdam. Pero hindi rin ako makukuntento sa sinulat ko kung pati ako hindi involved sa characters. Ngayon, gusto kong isulat ang mga takot ko---o ang mga bagay na ayaw kong harapin. Halimbawa, bigyan mo ko ng Horror film, hindi ako yung tipong nananaginip pagkatapos ng palabas, pero bigyan mo 'ko ng well-directed na Rape scene, kulang na lang maglagay ako ng kutsilyo sa ilalim ng unan bago matulog. Ibang klase ang galit na nararamdaman ko. Pero ang temang ito--violence and abuse against women, it's one thing I feel strongly about. Pangarap ko'ng magsulat tungkol dito. And I have to be brutally honest in writing about it--to the character and and even to myself. 

"Magsulat ka tungkol sa alam mo pero hanapin mo dito ang hindi mo alam. "

      My very first Ricky Lee book, Trip to Quiapo

Binago talaga ni Ricky Lee ang buhay at pananaw ko nung nabasa ko ang Para kay B. Yung unang chapter binasa ko sa Powerbooks bago pumasok sa school. Pero sa puso ko, isa 'to sa mga librong hindi ko panghihinayang bilhin. Dito ko nabasa sa isang chapter ang tungkol sa bawal na pag-ibig. Naging hamon talaga 'to sa konserbatibo kong kaisipan. Kapatid sa kapatid, laman sa laman, nagkaibigan. Oo. Tama ang nabasa mo. Masterpiece!

Naisip ko sana ganito ako mag-sulat. Yung bukas ang mata at isip! Yung hindi ko iintindihin ang nararamdaman ko at ng makakabasa--kung mahihiya ba sila, magagalit o mandidiri. Basta maikwento ko ang buhay ng mga boses sa isip ko. May gusto silang sabihin. Laging may gusto silang sabihin at hindi lahat gusto nating marinig---ikaw at ako. Ang mundo ay hindi perpekto. Minsan ang telenobela ay totoong-totoo. 

So imagine how absolutely starstruck I was when I saw Ricky Lee sa CCP when my best friend and I watched this year's Cinemalaya. Sabi ko: Ay parang kilala ko to... ay s*** si Ricky Lee!! Haha. I did not waste my time for a photo with him. 

Sabi ko sa kanya: "Sir, sayang hindi ko po dala yung libro ko. Gusto ko sana ng autograph."

Sabi niya: "Okay lang yun, nandito naman ako araw-araw."

Photo: First Day

Edi talagang hindi ko kinalimutan ang kopya ko ng Para kay B kinabukasan. At nakita namin siya. Nahihiya pa kami lumapit dahil ang daming kausap, nung mag-isa na, umakyat sa 2nd floor--sunod kami. Bumaba (agad-agad talaga!), baba rin kami. Natatawa ako pag naaalala ko. Stalker mode lang kasi. At sa wakas ito na. 

Sabi ko: Sir, dala ko na po yung libro! (abot tenga ngiti!)

Sabi niya: Buti naman. Ano ngang pangalan mo?

Natuwa lang din ako at naalala niya yung kahapon na naiwan ko! Pero mas natuwa ako nung tinanong niya ang pangalan ko at nagsulat na sa libro ko. Akala ko autograph lang talaga, gaya ng ibang pangalan lang ang isusulat. Pero may dedication pa!

Sa huli sabi ko: Sir, dedication pa po. Sobrang salamat po!

Sabi niya: Ako nga ang dapat magpasalamat e, dahil binasa mo.

Ang humble lang.

Photo: Second day

Ay ang puso ko! Tapos nung nabasa ko, muntik na 'kong maiyak. Siguro dahil may pinagdaanan ako at kailangan kong mabasa ang sinulat niya. It read:

Para kay Yella,

Sana'y laging maging bukas ka sa lahat ng bagay na maibibigay ng pag-ibig!

Hindi ako masyadong nasa-star struck sa mga artista. Pero sa mga tao behind the scenes lalo na sa mga direktor at writers dun ako mas humahanga. Maaari sigurong dahil sila ang utak ng lahat. Pero sa totoo lang pakiramdam ko kulang sa credit ang mga manunulat. Emotionally draining din kaya magsulat. Kaya hanga ako kay Ginoong Ricky Lee. Hindi ko alam kung saan niya nahuhugot ang mga kwento, kung paano at kailan dumadaloy ang mga salita para sa kanya at kung gaano kalaki ang puso niya para ilabas ang ganitong mga character. Paano kaya niya nabubuksan ang isip niya sa mga kwentong ayaw pero kailangang pakinggan? Napakarami sigurong "demonyo" sa loob niya. Kaya paano't hindi pa siya nababaliw nang dahil sa pagsusulat?

Ngayong tapos ang kwento ko at kung tatanungin mo ko kung bakit ako nagsusulat, ang sagot ko therapy ko siya. Mas nagsusulat ako 'pag galit o punong-puno ng depresyon. Maraming nga sigurong "demonyo" sa loob ko na kailangang mailabas at lumipat sa papel dahil kung hindi, mababaliw ako. Hindi ko kailan man pinangarap na maging Ricky Lee. Pero sana makasulat ako ng isang obra na balang araw ikaka-proud niya (na baka pangarap lang din talaga). Sa katapus-tapusan ng bawat kwento (na minsan maikli lang talaga), gusto kong bilang mambabasa hindi MO lang ito matapos. Gusto kong umusok ang ilong mo sa galit, kiligin ka, tumalon sa tuwa, malibugan, maakit, umiyak sa awa o lungkot, mapa-isip... basta may maramdaman ka. Dahil kung hindi, parang nagkwento ako sa'yo, parang kinwento ko ang first kiss ko, o kahit anong first time o emotionally draining story tungkol sa break up namin ng ex ko o baka maaring na-rape ako, nakulong o nanalo sa lotto pero ikaw, bilang mambabasa, NO REACTION. 

Nakatingin pero hindi nakikinig. Kaya kung wala kang maramdaman sa huli, hindi lang boses ng mga characters sa kwento ko ang hindi mo pinakinggan. Pati ako. Simple lang. Sa mundong 'to na mabilis lahat, gusto ko lang paminsan minsan, tubuan ka ng pakiramdam, na magkaron ka ng pakialam.

On Revenge

It’s not a big secret to many that I am a huge fan of good TV Series and Movies. From the high school drama of Gossip Girl to Sex and the City, House M.D. and Grey’s Anatomy etc. So now I have come to share my recent love, Revenge. I guess I just came across Revenge on my blog hoppings and Tweets from the people I follow.  Unlike Vampire Diaries, Revenge got me hooked just by the very first episode. I know its going to be promising. If I can make any comparison, Revenge is Gossip Girl for mature adults. For those who spreads either Gossips or Lies for a cause. And well, Gossip Girl spreads facts just so she can prove she knows everything about the Upper East Siders but in Revenge, lies are told and facts are manipulated by the main heroine, Amanda Clarke/Emily Thorne so she can manipulate the truth and people so she can avenge her father’s death. Yeah I know, it sounds awfully like our local telenovela plots but of course right from the start, we know Emily’s character is the mean one here, or not. The story solely revolves on that. And unlike local telenovelas, the way she delivers her cold serving of revenge is not at all full of drama. The main character and villain’s both so composed actually. But then let me just tell you more about the characters instead:

Emily Thorne played by Emily VanCamp. Real name’s Amanda Clarke, daughter of David Clarke whom the Greyson’s had framed for a crime he did not commit. I think she mastered the “Poker Face” technique cause she’s always just so calm about everything. Or maybe it’s just that she’s a breath of fresh air from our local telenovela with so much tears and hatred on their sleeves. I love her.

Victoria Greyson played by Madeleine Stow. She’s the practically the head of the Greyson family and the “queen”of Hamptons. I think she’s so classy and gorgeous. But  her smile just drives me crazy because it never goes away! I like her smile most especially when you know she’s infuriated about something. Galing lang sa plastikan. Hehe. Her smile’s demonic. She is, I think the main object of Amanda’s/Emily’s revenge. She was and still is in love with Amanda’s father but framed him anyway because of well---power and wealth what else?

Josh Bowman plays Daniel Grayson, son of Victoria whom Emily seduced and in the end became her fiance so she can use him against Victoria (suprise, surprise!). The typical poor little rich kid who wants to be independent from his family's name. In the story I think he's a good guy with a genuine love for Emily. I'm not sure if Emily's feelings for him were true though or if she's just guilty for using him. I guess I have to watch more to find out. And okay, I think he's cute (OMG that smile!), but rumor has it that he and Emily VanCamp fell in love while doing Revenge and are currently dating. Sigh.

Then there’s the “other guy” who has nothing to do with all of these but gets dragged anyway and is still falls in love with the heroine. His name is Jack Porter. He’s a local bartender and he runs the bar his late father left them. I think Daniel’s cuter though—haha! But I think he’s really Emily’s object of affection. 

It wouldn’t be complete without the “ally” in the person of Nolan Ross played by Gabriel Mann who is easily my favorite character because he’s so adorable and charming, and he’s gay. But not in a very gay way. I don't know if there's something wrong with his social skills but he's alone mot of the time. But he still knows how to get what he wants when he really wants to though. He’s a businessman whom Emily’s father helped (but no one knows he did) to become as rich as he is today. He's a certified geek who does the “techy” side of Emily’s work. He’s also like Emily’s guardian angel trying to change her mind and go to the right way instead, but always fails. I love how his friendship with Emily and Jack progressed throughout the episodes. You can see he protects them always.

Charlotte Grayson played by Christa Allen is Daniel’s sister and the neglected daughter of Victoria. She’s very close to her father, Conrad Grayson but at the latter part you’ll find something juicy about Charlotte’s character that may affect Emily’s as well.

And just like our local telenovela’s  we have the poor guy who fell in love with the rich girl in the name of Declan Porter, Jack’s brother. He’s played by Connor Paolo, who starred in Gossip Girl as Serena’s gay brother. Well ang macho lang ng role niya in this series.  

Okay, there are many other characters and I don’t want to name them all. Go ahead and just watch it. Maybe in the end you’ll agree that “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”J

And here's a trailer of the whole series:  Ciao! :)

On Breathing

You know how the medical team in the delivery room rejoices at the sound of a newborn’s cry? It just made me think of how pain and tears are big part of our lives. Ironic how pain is always the last thing we want to feel and crying is always the last thing we want to do.


Yes. This is THE break up post my friends. First one. Therefore, I can’t not write about it. I will try my best not to exaggerate the facts. I just want to merely write about the truth of how I felt in painful detail; not only for therapeutic purposes but I want to share this to everyone who cared reading--- everyone who endured, will endure and most of all, is enduring the pain of broken relationship.
The first three days were the hardest. As much as Iwould like to keep it to myself during that time and break it to my family sans the drama, I wasn’t able to. My tears amazingly took a life of their own and would inconveniently fall during random times. It was painful. I’m just thankful for my sister at these times when, like when we were just watching t.v. (it wasn’t even drama!) and when she catches me crying, she would just pretend like nothing’s happening and continue watching. She wouldn’t ask me or say anything. She was just quiet because I think somehow she knew that that’s how I needed her to be. I’ve gotten enough drama from my mom when she found out and my sister knew I needed peace and quiet. And I’m really thankful and I appreciated her more because of that. Of course, there were the nights when I would just cry myself to sleep. I thought books and movies were exaggerating! I never thought it would happen to me. Well, that’s what you get when you fall in love as they say. I knew it the moment I signed up for it.
Those times when I cry all the freakin’ time (believe me I can’t help it!) were when I appreciated a friend’s advice greatly. He just told me to BREATHE. So that’s how it felt, you know, how they say that it hurts to breathe? It was like every part of your body--- your brain, your lungs, your stomach, your kidneys, your heart---were all crying at the same time. But so I breathe. I knew that was the first step.

What made me better were more movies, ice cream, random friend visits (and hugs!), Twitter, prayers and then, more ice cream. :) I decided I would let my guard down. This time I would not let what anybody else thinks stop me from expressing how I feel. So darlings, you too. Only you know how much you are hurting. Only you know how much was broken. As long as you’re not hurting anybody else go ahead and mend it. Write, draw, paint, sing, tweet… do anything you can to get yourself back together again. As Meredith Grey said in Grey’s Anatomy, “You don’t get to judge me on how I repair what you broke.” There.

Don’t ever be affected on what they say on how you “repair” you’re broken heart. (Well, as long as you don’t go declaring World War 3 or stalking your ex or go jumping off buildings then you’re good. J) Chances are, those who are saying something, are the people who weren’t there anyway. So ‘nuff said.
At the end of all the crying and prayers, I just felt liberated and thankful. Yes, thankful. There was even a point when I was crying and laughing at the same time while I was praying. I said, “Lord, tao pala talaga ako ‘no?” Hehe. I was thankful because I knew it wouldn’t hurt this much if I didn’t give that much. I gave. I gave without expecting anything in return. Well, maybe I expected but not much. I learned not to think only of myself, I learned how to be and became selfless. I was happy and thankful because in the end, I got hurt because I LOVED. I did no wrong and what’s more,I did everything I could. I did my best. I did my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough… (aminin, kumanta ka no?! ;p)

Why the tears you ask? I guess they’re for the memories. For the things we enjoyed doing but may never do again… It’s the pain of remembering all the things that are happy about us.

So I stopped thinking and overanalyzing and just accepted what is. Girls (and if there are any guy readers), it will hurt. Nobody said it was going to be easy after all. But breathe. Breathe and go on. You may even know and accept things that you never knew before or how much books and movies really mirror reality. Know that you deserve better, if not, MORE. Know that as long as you did your best, you’ll never regret a thing. Know that your family and friends are always there foryou (maybe its time you focus on them.) Know that everything that has happened, is just preparing you to be the right person FOR the right person. And lastly, know that pain is not always your enemy. From the day we were born, crying and pain lets us know that we are ALIVE. And for that, and all the things you learned, be grateful. :)